Filed Under: Herbal medicine
Social skills can be taught, and, with help from you and others who care for her, your ADD/ADHD child can learn how to get along with others and behave appropriately in different situations. Here are some important social skills your child might need to learn, and a few ways you can go about training her:
1. Making friends
Attention Deficit Disorder/Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder children end up alone a lot of times because they are either too aggressive or too timid. If it is your child in this painful situation and you want to help, telling her to just go out and get along is not the way to go about it. You need to start by making your home a people-friendly place. Invite your friends over frequently, and the children - classmates, neighbors - you want your child to be friends with. It helps if your home is attractive and your child is not embarrassed to bring over friends for whatever reason (ADD/ADHD children are often extra-sensitive).
Be hospitable to your child’s classmates, and if they complain about your child to you try to explain your child’s point of view without putting her down or saying she has a disorder.
She can also join groups built around hobbies she is interested in. If there is nothing around, create one! It need not be formal - children interested in car models will congregate in your house if you make your home a welcome place, and are able to explain to your car-crazy child the advantages of sharing her models to get others to share theirs.
2. Talking with others
Do give your child plenty of space around other children - she may say dumb or insensitive things, but others will let her know and she will learn from her mistakes. Having mum or dad hovering around anxious to ‘help’, on the other hand, may kill all initiative and self-confidence.
You need to offer your words of wisdom when others are not around. Advice my mother gave me which still helps me: never give one-word answers (always reply to a question with answer plus some relevant information), always ask others about their jobs, hobbies, vacations, or whatever it is they like and are good at, keep a positive attitude (talk about happy things as far as possible, don’t complain too much), be honest because the truth makes for more interesting conversation! Listen when others talk and be interested. When this is impossible, try to tactfully change the subject by picking up another thread from the same conversation.
3. Diplomacy
ADD/ADHD children need to be taught social life is smoothest when everyone is allowed to look their best (socially). So don’t put down others, and don’t try to seem smarter than everyone else (but don’t act dumb either). When you have to say something negative, sandwich it between compliments and tell it when they are alone with whoever needs to hear it.
We also need to explain to ADD/ADHD children that social life is build around give and take. There needs to be a kind of equality in this give and take over the long run for relationships to work: you are polite to others, they will be polite to you; you are loyal to them, they will be loyal to you; you patiently hear a someone go on and on about his favorite subject, you can expect him to do business with you.
4. Body language
Your ADD/ADHD child needs to be told specific cues that can let her know when it’s time to stop talking/change the subject/she’s made a mistake! Teach her to look out for these non-verbal cues of boredom or disagreement or confusion: the other person does not seem to be talking much, gives single-word answers, avoids looking at her straight, looks at the watch or clock and taps her fingers or swings her feet. On the other hand, if the person she is talking with looks straight at her, tilts her head or leans forward, ignores distractions, and nods slowly, she is probably interested.
Being able to read body language can also help your child understand when the other person is feeling defensive, or open, or relaxed, or romantic. There are lots of books and websites about how to read body language, but by getting her interested in the concept itself, you will help her pay more attention to others and get along better.
5. Fitting in
You can help an ADD/ADHD child fit in by making sure she looks well-groomed and well-dressed all the time and shares at least some major interests with her those of her own age.
Even small children, like adults, are attracted to people who look good, and a large part of looking good is grooming. So make sure your child’s clothes are always clean and pressed and at least last year’s fashion, and definitely not the fashion of your own childhood.
Also, if fitting in is a problem, do allow her (or encourage her, if she’s not interested) to watch some popular television and movies and play video games, because these are a huge part of popular culture, and a child who is uninterested in these things will often stand out for the wrong reasons.
Some children pick up these things up better through social-skills videos and books, and others through teaching from teachers or parents. Find out what works for your child, and support her as she finds her way in the social jungle. She will probably make mistakes, but then everyone, ADD/ADHD or not, makes mistakes. If you don’t get discouraged and stay positive, she probably will too.
Tags: social skills training for ADD/ADHD | social skills training for ADD/ADHD | special education social skills | special education social skills | ADD/ADHD social difficulties | ADD/ADHD social difficulties | ADD/ADHD social skills | ADD/ADHD social skills | ADD/ADHD behavior | ADD/ADHD behavior | ADD/ADHD adult | ADD/ADHD adult | ADD/ADHD
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